Tuesday, November 17, 2009


So many reasons to be overjoyed but yet i find myself empty and longing after more than what is good for me. I long after things that put God further down on my list.

I find my self wishing that if maybe if i moved away i would be happier and find new friends that i could fellowship with.

The Lord is enough and He deserves to be number one to me.

I really miss writing poems but everytime i try to write one it just is blah.I miss fellowship so much. Part of me wants to grow up and move on with life and the other part of me wants to rewind and go back to the "easy" days. Oh Lord be my everything and take me to a place where i can see you face to face.

- Me

Monday, August 24, 2009


"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your strength."
Deuteronomy 6:5

The Lord is so deserving of all of my heart, my soul and my strength. But I am not always willing to give Him even a glimpse of it sometimes. I am learning how to fall in love with Him the more i dive into His word.

Lesson- Give it all to Him and He will be my everything.

Thank you Lord that no matter what you never let go of my hand and my life.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." John 15:7

So, I was thinking lately about a lot of things. Questions of the future,callings,friendships and trials. It seems at times that the only thing I see is dessert,dry and empty dessert.
Through these dessert type times I loose sight of what is really important and the reason why God has me where He has me. The Lord used 4 different studies using John 15 to really open my eyes. I have been missing the Joy of the Lord, without fully realizing I wasn't overflowing with Jesus. And my desire so badly is to draw closer to Him and be overflowing with the Fruit of the Spirit and His abundant love. I do really want to experience Joy more than happiness, True love more than my own definition of love, and His unchanging peace. After pondering on what it means to ABIDE in Him, I walk and hope and trust in Him. That through His precious love I can attain His desires for my life.

On other news. Please if you can, keep me in prayer about a certain desire that I have been seeking the Lord about.
Be blessed. :)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Verse of the Day

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Summer. Another summer taking place and already so much change. I knew that their would be alot of change but it is still hard.

So i picked up the guitar again. Not at all good but its something to do besides be on the computer all the time. :) I love praising the Lord. I know that God still has alot He wants to do with me. I am learning to TRUST in Him and to find my STRENGTH in Him.

- my prayer for this summer is that God would change my heart and my life and to bring glory most of all. : )

- to a new start...............

Saturday, May 30, 2009



My walk with the Lord is eh.

Most of the time when I am at church I feel alone.

I feel defeated. I know Jesus is with me.

I hate sin. I hate alot of things.sometimes myself.

I write this cause i need to vent.

I think to much about myself.

I love Jesus.

I doesn't matter only Jesus does.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

1 more week left of this semester.
I want change this summer. to be used.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Today I went to school. Came home. Rested cause i was feeling icky and than headed to work. well about an hour before we close this lady comes in and i ask if she needs any help. she asked about the prayer ministry and how she could get some prayer, so i inform her and she proceeds to tell me that she was going in for treatments cause she had some sort of cancer(she did not tell me).While i was putting books away i prayer for her and got her name.

Her name is Mary, around 50 years old and middle eastern. She has cancer and she just needs comfort, encouragement and support from the Lord and Christians. Please pray that the Lord would heal her in His way and that He would provide comfort and love. Thanks !!!


In the middle of the water
on this small boat
drifting away from the shore

pressed to get the other side
distracted by the storm

crashing waves
choppy seas
the boat in the midst
of a battle

no chance of sunlight
darkness surrounds
fear has replaced my peace

"Peace be still" I hear
the words of a man with no fear

quickly i rise to see
its my Jesus, He came to rescue me.

The Lord is sooooo good. Its been hard this semester. I have wanted to give up on life, friendships, ministry and school but the Lord did not give up on me. He gave His strength to go on. I believe that God is doing awesome things this year and even though I'm not sure what He wants to do through me, I do know that He is in control. I just want to rest in His love and not walk away from His promises.

Lord, guide me, show me how I can rest in you. Lord help me to believe in Your promises for my life and fill me with Your Spirit to do Your work. God be glorified through me. Thank You for everything. My Jesus, My daddy, My love thank you.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

ready to give up. its so tempting.

Jesus be my everything cause i need you so much right now.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

God be glorified. :)

Verse of the day.

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."2 Corinthians 12:9

The most comforting thing is knowing that with God's presence and love I can find rest and peace. No matter how many times I may fail or fall, My Jesus is right there. Giving me strength and encouragement. Oh I love that we can go to Him for all of our needs all the time.

God be glorified. :)

Monday, April 06, 2009


Do you ever want to scream so loud causing the birds to fly far off?
Do you ever want to take your heart and smash it into a million pieces cause then maybe it won't hurt?
Do you ever feel so alone inside that life just does not seem worth it?


Sitting at the lifeguard station letter A, watching the waves crash away
looking at the dark sky, wondering why
if that is what my heart looks like.
yelling in my head
can't seem to make a sound
fighting off the darts
that won't back down.
why is it so hard? I ask too many times
the only glimpse of beauty is shimmering off the sea
making colors mesh so well that it fades into the black
Oh, how long will this go on for? How long will it take, before the sun rises
before the dark goes away.
Its been too long. Its been to far. Too far to reach
Two choices await, as I fall to my knees
wait for the dark to fade or sleep just awhile longer.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Steps of faith

Tuesday this week was a not so good day. I was tired. Frustrated with myself and in line for the enemy to just throw darts.

And then i came home....within ten minutes my mom is trying to open the door. I asked why she is home...."I got fired"....after those words, I seriously was bitter and angry. Questions in my head of "what are we going to do?, How are we going to make it?,Are we going to have to move?" came rushing to my head.

Even in the hardest times God will provide.
I can say that God has really shown Himself to us. We have been praying as a family more often. God has given us assurance that He will provide for us. My mom even told me that the day she got fired, she had read her devotional and it was on God providing. WOW. We serve a faithful God.

So. with all that. I ask for your prayers as we continue to trust in our BIG God.That my mom would find a job that is local and a blessing. Most of all, that the Lord's will would be upon our family.

I am not sure what next will happen as I serve Him, but I do know that God has it all in His hands.

Thanks and hope ya have a blessed weekend.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Seeking His face

should i stay or should i go?

well. All is in the Lord's hands.

Friday, March 27, 2009


At the Cross by Hill song United

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now (x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x2)

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now? (x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x4)

At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now? (x2)

This song is so awesome. Cause it kinda wraps up somethings in my life. and how even when I fail He loves me, He goes before me and when its done..It is done.

May God be glorified in my life. ITS ALL about JESUS. thank you Lord.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Today is my little brothers 5th birthday. I cant believe how fast time has gone by.

Happy 5th Birthday Atticus John!!!!

I love my little brother lots.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I sometimes wish that I could run away or go on a random road trip with no destination or time to limit me.
Sometimes I feel like I am not always in on the "important" things of friends or just feeling important.

One thing that I do know is that no matter how many times my friends, family, life fails me...God will never. Tonight one of the teachers at Calvary spoke and finished up our study in Ecclesiastes. It was soooooo good. He said something that really intrigued me, he mentioned the verse from John 15:9- “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.". Jesus spoke that verse and he was saying that as God has loved me, God has loved me. I matter to God. Jesus loves me so much. I really want to just abide in my Saviors arms and be secured by His love.
Many times I am offered the gift of His peace and joy but i reject it. Lord forgive me. Tonight was just so good because I needed to refocus and remember who my first love is.

Life. school is great, i love learning about all of the prophecy things. :)

I don't know what will happen tomorrow...or how God will speak to me but I love hearing from my Creator, my daddy. I love calling God, my daddy... it makes me feel so special.

Lesson- Be addicted to Jesus....just do it.

Jesus LOVES YOU!!!

btw. If any of you few people who follow my blog need prayer for anything just let me know. always love praying for my peeps.

God bless you all.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Dear blog.

Its been a month since my last post.

Life is hard. I am learning alot. Who my friends are, who I want to be, how much more i need to rely on my Jesus and that no matter what I am told or what i feel, Jesus wants to be my everything. God wants to use this weak,scared and selfish girl for His glory.

O Lord, I am not worthy. Humble me, teach me. Make me more like you.

The end.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Praise the Lord!!!

For the past two weeks I have been getting major Spiritual warfare. Just because bible college is intense and i had a hard few weeks.

Last week was my first week back at Bible college and I was not to excited about Intro week. Cause it just kinda gets boring and i loose interest if we aren't really diving into the bible. Well anyway I survived.

The Lord is really breaking me once again and I really am excited to see what the Lord is going to do this semester. He is soooo good and I honestly don't even deserve to be where i am at right now. I love how the Lord speaks to me through the word. He has just been showing me how selfish and weak i really am. that i need Him more than i think i do.

God is so good.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


This heart of mine is breaking
this heart of mine is focused on
things of this world that don't satisfy

My heart is breaking for the lost and unsaved
my heart is trying to understand their ways
my heart is melting in the hands of the Lord
my heart is aching for what i don't know

Change me from the inside out
change me that i may know your unconditional, never changing, forever beautiful love

wipe away all the broken pieces
please take all my weakness
and use it for nothing more than your glory

fill me, change me, make me yours
hold me, love me, take me away I am yours

I am walking away from that trash that used stay close by my side
now its gone, I am alive.
I will keep walking as you heal this heart
I will keep trusting as you love me.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

almost here

so i have like ten days before school starts and i am really excited.

I am going to be taking
Genesis,Daniel,Revelation and Pastoral Epistles. 14.5 units.

Excited to see what the Lord is going to do this semester.

Please pray that the Lord provides for everything. God is faithful and good.

God bless you all !!!!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


I can't explain this towering pain in my heart
I am done with trying to start
something that isn't there

my heart is breaking
I can't stop faking
this harsh reality
I am done with you

I am done
I can't see
the end

no I am done.

It hurts to much.

God is faithful. I am glad that He knows my heart.

Thursday, January 08, 2009



Hmm. Was Adam and eve content with their perfect lives in the garden of eden? Was Moses content from having communication with God? Was Thomas content with seeing Jesus after His Resurrection?

In some ways its good to be content.And in others we need to be careful.

Tonight I questioned my motives and what being content really meant. I don't ever want to be just ok with my relationship with God. I don't ever want the flame to go out. This fire that is inside of my heart has passion to grow huge and to pour into others but sometimes being ok just does it. I start to slowly get comfortable with how things are going and I loose the drive to grow, to be better, to live for Him alone. I really don't understand how Job was able to get back on his feet, or how Paul could preach to the very people he once hated. I might be just going off on a limb with this but I just don't want to be satisfied with dust. I don't want ashes, I want real. Pastor Al was talking about how people just want Reality. And that is so true, we want something that we can grasp. I guess that is why sometimes in our christian walks it gets hard to believe and have faith, because we are so craving something to grab, yet the very thing that we can't see is more powerful. It is more real than what is seen. " Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen" Heb 11:1 We must have faith. Without faith we are hopeless. Without hope we are nothing.

Anyway back to be being content. I desire more of Jesus. I am tired of being ok with where I am at with the Lord.

I love this song

In the morning when I rise....give me Jesus.
When I die....give me Jesus.

He is the only one that matters. May we be satisfied in Jesus and in Him alone.
So I will not compromise, I will not settle for less. I will not just be ok, I want to be on fire with the Lord.

Thank you for showing me yourself. God make this heart of mine burn for you, show me how to be satisfied in you and above all may you be glorified in me always.
To you be the glory forever.
In Jesus name, Amen.

God bless!!!!